365 Days After Leaving the Military... what I've realized
S. Reidinger, USMC (Ret.), Oct 1993 - Oct 2017
(Nov. 10, 2018)
So it’s been about a year since I hung up my uniform and about six months since I started my first civilian job in over two decades. And in this time span, I’ve learned several things that I just was not able to realize while on active duty. Some of what I learned were “I told you so” moments from friends who left years before me but many other lessons were revelations that could only occur once I stepped into the civilian workplace. In an effort to shed some light on what the “other side” looks like for those still on active duty and those just about to walk out the door, I’m sharing what life has been like for me as a civilian.
What I’ve realized…
There’s good and bad leadership everywhere, period
I remember in my last year leading up to retirement having these moments where I just wanted to stand up to what many of us saw as toxic leadership. Many of us would talk in private about these leaders and how they were impacting morale, teamwork and productivity. Well, I’m here to say that toxic leadership exists in the private sector as well. The best advice I can offer is to determine early in your new job if you are willing to settle for this type of work environment or if you can do something about it to improve work conditions. Maybe you can be the catalyst for change. Maybe not. But, keep this in mind as you start a new job and try to keep any open mind.
There are force multiplier employees and those just treading water on both sides.
The same with employees, you’ve got your workhorses and you’ve got your bottom feeders. What I have found interesting is that in the private sector companies are more likely to have highly skilled workers with depth experience in their fields versus what we are used to in the military. For instance, don’t be surprised if you join a company where 99% of the employees all have college degrees. It was a big “ah ha” moment for me when starting my current position and quickly helped me realize how much more we can accomplish with a highly skilled team of subject matter experts. But back to the good and bad employees, just like in the military, if you have employees that are sinking the boat, you have to try to help them reach minimum standards of performance and work through a documented process to get them terminated. So, hire wisely.
Civilan optempo can be just as busy, hectic as our works ups and deployments
I remember getting settled in my new job, feeling the firehose effect of learning about the company, the culture, business dynamics and applying my work experiences to best impact our department. Well, six months later I can tell you I’m feeling as busy as I did in the military when it comes to planning, personnel management, leading multiple projects, executing events and business meetings, measuring performance to align with goals and business training and development. Keep this in mind as you leave the military because if you are looking for a job of equal or higher levels of responsibility that you held in service, be prepared to work as hard or harder the first few years as you acclimatize to the customs, culture and business industry you have entered. But have no fear, you got this!
Taxes are a big shock to the system when you get your first paycheck
I won’t linger on this topic too much because for 23+ years my paycheck was from the pocketbooks of Americans across our nation. But, just be ready for the sticker shock when you are leaving the military. Do your research to see how far $60k or $100k will take you and your family after all the federal, state and other deductions are taken from your paycheck. And also keep in mind that $60k and $100k are not the same in states like CA as they are in states like AL or TX or KY. If location is your primary goal with finding a job, check on the tax rates for that state and keep this in mind when negotiating your compensation and benefits package.
Camaraderie in the military is hard to find outside of uniform but can be cultivated
I joined at 17 and one of the things that sold me on the Marine Corps was the fact I’d get paid to workout, have access to gyms and would essentially have a ready-made team to work with on day one. As I reflect now that I’m a veteran, I truly loved the early morning runs, obstacle courses, field operations where we all suffered together, the mess nights, birthday balls, promotion ceremonies, etc. These things bonded us as a tribe and made us a finely tuned machine. If you are looking for this when you leave the military, you might find it with some organizations, but I doubt it will ever be exactly the same. And hey, that’s okay. But I recommend that if you find a job you like and the first few weeks expose you to a culture that is lackluster or not very exciting, stick around a bit and see if you can be the driver of increased teamwork and comradery. It’s easy to walk in, assess the situation, try it out and say, “Nope, not for me.” But, I challenge you to think about those units or teams you were a part of in the military that you couldn’t walk away from, those that frustrated you to no end but you figured out a way to implement positive change. That’s what it’s like out here, too. Don’t abandon the team on first contact. They likely need and crave your different leadership perspective so see what you can do to improve the situation instead of walking away.
Finding something that feels as purposeful as serving in the military by comparing everything to the military is the ticket to nowhere
After a year out of uniform I’ve come to realize that my experiences in the military should not be compared to or used as a guide for my future personal and professional career decisions. I’ve seen friends beat themselves up about this because they are searching for that next job that will provide them all the qualities of what they had in the military. Well, I’m one person but I can tell you to stop doing that for your own good. There’s a reason the military is a mystery to those who don’t serve and there’s also a really good reason we’d like to keep our private sector operating at a distance from what the military takes care of on a daily basis. So, in a nutshell, when you are planning your departure from the military, take time to realize things will be different and to not compare everything in the future to what you experienced in uniform.
Leaving the military was like abandoning part of my family so make sure you have cultivated relationships that last beyond the uniform
Whether you are leaving after 4 or 24 years, the day you take off your uniform and realize that now your identity is no longer wrapped around being a service member, it can be tough for a while. I remember feeling excited and relieved as I picked up my DD-214 paperwork and all the congratulations at my going away party but a few weeks after that it all faded. I quickly realized that what I had left that I missed the most were the people. They were my family and my friends. It’s taken me several months to realize hey, they are still the same people and still care about me. So, my advice is two-fold. As you are leaving the military, it’s vital to know who will be a part of your tribe once you take off the uniform. Will it be your buddies still on active duty, others that have left service, a community association or veterans group? Or, maybe all of the above. Whatever you decide, just plan this out in your mind before you leave so you have friends and family to keep you motivated and inspired as you step out the door.
If you want to start your own business, try out a side hustle while on active duty so you can test its worthiness while still getting a paycheck
Why? I waited until after terminal leave and felt isolated, highly stressed and ended up putting my business dreams on hold b/c I didn’t have the right support network and confidence to move from concept to business. In hindsight, I think the confidence I had as a military leader with a large team and authority to make decisions regarding operations blinded me to the fact that the military system was enabling me to be successful, not me alone.
When I walked out the door, I took this false sense of confidence with me and within a few months, as it dissipated, I found myself unable to follow through on my business dreams and aspirations. It was like a big punch to the gut. How could I now, after 20+ years in the military, be sitting here unable to accomplish a mission that I’ve dreamed, planned for and rationalized? Well, after reflecting on this, and boy did I, I realized that who I was in uniform would only carry me so far. I realized that starting your own business takes a network of support and waiting until near the end of my military career to build this network was too late.
So, if I could go back and do it over again, I would have dug deep into that jar of discipline and found a way to start my business while on active duty. In hindsight, regardless of the optempo and other demands of the military, I should have made my business aspirations a priority so that when I stepped out of uniform, the support network and resources were already known to me. Also, it would have helped me test out a few concepts first while still garnering a paycheck so that I could quickly assess which business concept was the strongest to move ahead with.
Don’t let, the green grass fool you.
So, I’d be remiss if I were to tell you I had second thoughts after leaving active duty. It didn’t really happen until about 6-7 months after leaving but it creeped in and made me wonder if I’d made the right decision. I started comparing my civilian life to what I had in the military, thinking about what I’d be doing now if I’d stayed and thinking about how much more I could have impacted our next generation of service members as a seasoned combat veteran.
The fact is, if you are a good military member and you perform well, you can stay as long as they’ll keep you on board. But, what if there was a way to experience the civilian side without totally checking out? What if you could get a taste of the grass on the other side of the fence without making the decision to leave? Well, here are a few things to consider that could help place you in a temporary civilian life mindset…before you make the decision to leave:
1. Take some leave time and put yourself in the mindset that you are out of the military.
2. Do a job shadow in the private sector, really talk to a group of people who have worked in the industry you are considering to find out the reality of day-to-day living.
3. Think carefully about what you are giving up, leaving behind and what your future career and personal goals are…get away from the norm by going on a 1-2 day staycation alone and really reflect on what you’ve done, who you’ve impacted and what you see yourself doing 5-10 years from now.
Taking off the uniform doesn’t mean you are done
We are veterans and our service continues in our communities and schools and businesses and as advocates for those still serving. Find these groups while on active duty and get involved. See if this could bridge the gap for you as a way to continue to serve your country after leaving active duty. Here are a few tips that could help you stay engaged with the military:
· Join an association that supports active duty and/or veterans
· Volunteer to be the Veteran Affairs Rep at your company
· Organize visits to military bases with your co-workers to educate them about military life
· Have your company sponsor military events and include volunteers to help at the events to learn more about military life
Ask yourself these questions before deciding to leave service; I did, and it helped
· What is drawing me to leave the military?
· What are my personal and professional goals over the next 3-5 years if I stay in the military? If I leave? Weigh out your pros and cons with and without your family’s influence.
· Who is my support network outside of my military family? Do I have the resources I need outside the military network to start my own business, step into the corporate world, or retrain into another field of work?
· If I leave, can I find another mission that will fulfill my purpose in life? What are my core values and how can I live them out as a civilian?
· Are there any other programs or opportunities you’d like to pursue in uniform
- Fellowship
- Degree Program
- Work with Industry
Alright, time to close this out. It’s been an interesting first year as a civilian, trying to figure out how I can live my life to the fullest as a spouse, parent, community member, American patriot and a global citizen. Whatever you decide to do, just remember that you have the power to harness what you’ve gained from your military experience into an amazing second chapter. It’s up to you to turn those blank pages into yet another legacy as a strong, capable military veteran. Go out and be great!
Published on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/365-days-after-leaving-military-what-ive-realized-reidinger-apr/?published=t
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